Christmas may be over now, but you better be careful next
time you say
"Merry Christmas" to a stranger. In this age of "me" and of
"entitlement" it seems some people are offended even by a general
expression of good will during the Christmas holiday season. Take the
case of the American Airline ticket agent who, on Christmas Eve, smiled
and said the forbidden words...Merry Christmas to a Scroogian passenger
preparing to fly from New York's LaGuardia Airport.
You see, according to witnesses, the unidentified passenger became
"irate" when a gate agent wished him a Merry
Christmas as he boarded American Airlines flight 1140 to Dallas Fort
Worth. According to a spokesperson for American Airlines, the offended
passenger boarded the plane and screamed for the name of the offensive
agent who dared to offer him wishes of good will. But he became even
more upset once on board when an equally cherry flight attendant said
those same bad words to him.
"You shouldn't say that because not everyone celebrates Christmas", he
hollered at the flight attendant. Further, American Airlines says
Scrooge became
"verbally aggressive towards the
flight attendant and was asked to leave the plane." At that point the
more sane passengers on board cheered loudly as he was taken off the
flight. They should have given him coal for his stockings and told him
to fly with Rudolph and the other reindeer next time, but instead, in
the spirit of Christmas, the airline allowed him to board a later
flight. No word on whether he was greeted with cheer on that flight.
I wonder if that passenger reflects the intolerance of our age? And
should we be offended at another person's happiness and good will
directed toward us if we are not a believer in their holiday tradition?
Is etiquette no longer to be practiced when our personal beliefs don't
match those giving us well wishes? I would wish you a 'Happy New Year',
but I better not. Just use your imagination.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Meri Kurisumasu
Meri Kurisumasu! I sneaked in a Japanese Christmas greeting.
It's
what they say in Japan to wish revelers a Merry Christmas. Wait! I
think you might have said that exclamation. Yep! I am writing about
Christmas in the most unlikely venue for it, Japan. Surprisingly,
Christmas has become fairly big in Japan, that despite the fact that
there are very few Christians living there. But you know the Japanese
are an open and curious lot. They may have embraced the lay aspect of
Christmas more than any other Asian nation.
Christmas is not a national holiday in Japan, so schools and businesses are normally open on December 25th. The big corporations do the main decorating, lighting their buildings and the trees. Because of a butter shortage last week, Japanese home bakers and retail sellers are in a fritter. No butter means no Christmas sweets. Elaborate and artful "Christmas cakes" are big in the land that loves fancy sweets. Christmas sweets have become a staple of Japan's year-end holidays.
The most adored of them is a variation of the French sponge cake covered with vanilla icing, whipped cream and strawberries. They are sold everywhere from neighborhood convenience stores to the fanciest Japanese bakeries stores. That's why the Japanese government this week purchased a huge shipment of imported butter.
Anyway, it's not just a matter of "let them eat cake" at Christmas in Japan. Parties are often held for children, with games, dancing and that guy in the red outfit (No, not me. I mean Santa.) they call santa-san. In Japan, Christmas in known as more of a time to spread happiness rather than a religious celebration. Christmas eve is often celebrated more than Christmas Day.
Christmas eve is thought of as a romantic day, in which couples spend together and exchange presents, sort of like Valentine's Day. Young couples like to go for walks to look at the Christmas lights and have a romantic meal in a restaurant. And on Christmas day fried chicken is the favorite meal. It is the busiest time of year for KFC in Japan because....well....we all know Colonel Sanders is the real Santa Claus.
Just one more thing. 'O shogatsu' to you. (That's the Happy New Year greeting in Japan)
Christmas is not a national holiday in Japan, so schools and businesses are normally open on December 25th. The big corporations do the main decorating, lighting their buildings and the trees. Because of a butter shortage last week, Japanese home bakers and retail sellers are in a fritter. No butter means no Christmas sweets. Elaborate and artful "Christmas cakes" are big in the land that loves fancy sweets. Christmas sweets have become a staple of Japan's year-end holidays.
The most adored of them is a variation of the French sponge cake covered with vanilla icing, whipped cream and strawberries. They are sold everywhere from neighborhood convenience stores to the fanciest Japanese bakeries stores. That's why the Japanese government this week purchased a huge shipment of imported butter.
Anyway, it's not just a matter of "let them eat cake" at Christmas in Japan. Parties are often held for children, with games, dancing and that guy in the red outfit (No, not me. I mean Santa.) they call santa-san. In Japan, Christmas in known as more of a time to spread happiness rather than a religious celebration. Christmas eve is often celebrated more than Christmas Day.
Christmas eve is thought of as a romantic day, in which couples spend together and exchange presents, sort of like Valentine's Day. Young couples like to go for walks to look at the Christmas lights and have a romantic meal in a restaurant. And on Christmas day fried chicken is the favorite meal. It is the busiest time of year for KFC in Japan because....well....we all know Colonel Sanders is the real Santa Claus.
Just one more thing. 'O shogatsu' to you. (That's the Happy New Year greeting in Japan)
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Worst Christmas Traditions
First let me write it clearly. I absolutely
love the Christmas holiday
and traditions with it. But there are a few Christmas traditions I
just don't get or want to get. For example, the Catholic tradition of
attending a Christmas Eve midnight mass. Are the Catholics kidding? Who
wants to attend a church service at midnight the night before Christmas
morning when kids are loudly awake at am screaming, "when are we going
to open the presents". I wouldn't even attend a midnight strip show
featuring every woman entered into the Miss Universe contest. It's too
late at night.
Another one I dislike is the Christmas family newsletter that is stuffed inside the Christmas card the family sends out. Ugh! Christmas cars are great because for their brevity. They simply say "I like and remember you". It's enough. But sending out the year-end wrap-up, the summation of twelve months of familial accomplishment; the list of achievements of children and grandchildren far and wide is overkill. More often than not it is a bragging session in which mom regales us with all the wonderful accomplishment of her kids. No thanks to that.
How about those charity solicitors we meet and greet in malls and many other public facilities. I do give to charity during the year, but to harass me in public at Christmas time is too much to take. There's no secret to the timing either. Those organizations that raise money for any kind of charity, religious group, foundation, etc., choose Christmas time because it makes us feel guilty if we don't toss our money into a kettle manned by Santa or some other costumed Christmas based celebrity. People feel moved at the holidays to dig deep and give over and over. If any of those Christmas solicitors come to my door and interrupt my sleep or dinner I feel justified in shooting them on my doorstep and stealing all the money they have collected from other victims of their begging.
I think most of us would agree that a terrible Christmas tradition is the marketing craze at this time of the year. Sellers associate everything with the holidays. But it can be a stretch. That TV add showing Santa using the hemorrhoid cream the sponsor is trying to sell.....it's' too much. A certain amount of commercialism is bound to happen during the biggest holiday of the year. Some businesses survive because of their Christmas sales. But they are overdoing the ads and alleged sales. We should throw our fruitcakes at them if they interrupt us with another advertisement.
And the mistletoe tradition has to go. In today's culture this poisonous, if picturesque, little plant is an invitation to your creepy uncle or that neighborhood sex offender leaning in the dining room doorway and slobbering all over you. Anyone ever go to an office party and experience the sleazy loser at the who slips in a little tongue in your mouth to make your holidays brighter? Mistletoe has outlived it's usefulness. But for those who feel a need for it, I suggest they forget the plant and just visit their local massage parlor instead.
They are upsetting my Christmas with those lousy traditions! I think I better stop ranting and have a Christmas cookie now. Merry Christmas!
Another one I dislike is the Christmas family newsletter that is stuffed inside the Christmas card the family sends out. Ugh! Christmas cars are great because for their brevity. They simply say "I like and remember you". It's enough. But sending out the year-end wrap-up, the summation of twelve months of familial accomplishment; the list of achievements of children and grandchildren far and wide is overkill. More often than not it is a bragging session in which mom regales us with all the wonderful accomplishment of her kids. No thanks to that.
How about those charity solicitors we meet and greet in malls and many other public facilities. I do give to charity during the year, but to harass me in public at Christmas time is too much to take. There's no secret to the timing either. Those organizations that raise money for any kind of charity, religious group, foundation, etc., choose Christmas time because it makes us feel guilty if we don't toss our money into a kettle manned by Santa or some other costumed Christmas based celebrity. People feel moved at the holidays to dig deep and give over and over. If any of those Christmas solicitors come to my door and interrupt my sleep or dinner I feel justified in shooting them on my doorstep and stealing all the money they have collected from other victims of their begging.
I think most of us would agree that a terrible Christmas tradition is the marketing craze at this time of the year. Sellers associate everything with the holidays. But it can be a stretch. That TV add showing Santa using the hemorrhoid cream the sponsor is trying to sell.....it's' too much. A certain amount of commercialism is bound to happen during the biggest holiday of the year. Some businesses survive because of their Christmas sales. But they are overdoing the ads and alleged sales. We should throw our fruitcakes at them if they interrupt us with another advertisement.
And the mistletoe tradition has to go. In today's culture this poisonous, if picturesque, little plant is an invitation to your creepy uncle or that neighborhood sex offender leaning in the dining room doorway and slobbering all over you. Anyone ever go to an office party and experience the sleazy loser at the who slips in a little tongue in your mouth to make your holidays brighter? Mistletoe has outlived it's usefulness. But for those who feel a need for it, I suggest they forget the plant and just visit their local massage parlor instead.
They are upsetting my Christmas with those lousy traditions! I think I better stop ranting and have a Christmas cookie now. Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Google Kiling Santa
How times change! I remember at Christmas time how
easy it was
to
convince kids that Santa was a real fat guy who lived in an undisclosed
house with little green and red dressed midgets called elves, who made
toys that ....ok you get the idea. Pretending that Santa was real was
a great way to pass on a tradition and to keep the little ones from
escaping their imagination in lieu of the grim reality of the real life
they soon will have to deal with. After all, Christmas without Santa is
like apple pie without apples.
But alas! I just read that Santa's cover may be blown for this generation of small humans. If you ask parents what they consider to be the biggest threat to the magic of Christmas today, it's not the Grinch that they fear will ruin junior's holiday spirit. It's Google (which is a different kind of Grinch, I suspect). The little ones now have their cell phones and other Internet gadgets and they are quickly adept at finding the answer to the age old question only mom and dad used answer. "Is Santa Real", they now type. The new Christmas song that might some day replace "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" could be something entitled "I Saw My Sister Googling Santa Claus".
Try googling it yourself. I promise not to tell Santa you are suspicious that he is real. If you enter that question into Google you'll get more results than you can handle. It takes only a second for you or junior to see that Santa is just a creation, not of God, but of marketing departments everywhere. Most of the top results do direct curious readers to sites advising parents on how to face up to the question and tell their kids "the truth." But that in itself blows Santa's cover. Our tech savvy children can instantaneously dispel all manner of myth about a fat man flying on a sleigh to deliver toys on Christmas night. How is a parent to fight against the God that most kids worship....God Goggle? It's a minefield for many parents.
The beauty of Santa is the not knowing. Technology is all about knowing, and knowing this instant. I swear, Google is the Grinch to the North Pole. Hmmmm See, I told you cell phones are a menace. How can we let technology destroy the most pervasive fictional character of all time? (I exclude the belief in God as number one in case you are an atheist as well as a Santa unbeliever). Santa is number one in the imagination world. If Googling kills him we will have to invent a a substitute.
Actually, Google may not be the all time biggest threat to the belief in Santa Claus. Throughout history many truth tellers, the churches, older kids, educators, communists Grinches and that blabbermouth uncle we all had have also have tried to pretend Santa is not real! Forget that kind of talk. Child psychologists today say that a child's belief in Santa is a very positive mindset. It's a good thing we parents try to see that our kids hold on to the "Santa is real" sentiment as long as possible. We adults may be the last bastion for saving Santa from the Goggle Grinch.
In defense of itself, Goggle says something like, "What can we do? We want the kids to believe in Santa too. It's just that technology can have undesired consequences." We can fight this Google assault on Christmas. And there's more good news for parents, and children. This year Google says that when the little brats search for Santa's whereabouts, they'll encounter "something quite different." I assume that means camouflage for Santa from the revelation police. Maybe Goggle is starting to believe in Santa too.
Oh, by the way, experts say that kids today are about the same age as kids they were 100 years ago when they first learned about Santa's real or imaginative self- at about age 7. How do I know it? I Googled it. What else.
But alas! I just read that Santa's cover may be blown for this generation of small humans. If you ask parents what they consider to be the biggest threat to the magic of Christmas today, it's not the Grinch that they fear will ruin junior's holiday spirit. It's Google (which is a different kind of Grinch, I suspect). The little ones now have their cell phones and other Internet gadgets and they are quickly adept at finding the answer to the age old question only mom and dad used answer. "Is Santa Real", they now type. The new Christmas song that might some day replace "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" could be something entitled "I Saw My Sister Googling Santa Claus".
Try googling it yourself. I promise not to tell Santa you are suspicious that he is real. If you enter that question into Google you'll get more results than you can handle. It takes only a second for you or junior to see that Santa is just a creation, not of God, but of marketing departments everywhere. Most of the top results do direct curious readers to sites advising parents on how to face up to the question and tell their kids "the truth." But that in itself blows Santa's cover. Our tech savvy children can instantaneously dispel all manner of myth about a fat man flying on a sleigh to deliver toys on Christmas night. How is a parent to fight against the God that most kids worship....God Goggle? It's a minefield for many parents.
The beauty of Santa is the not knowing. Technology is all about knowing, and knowing this instant. I swear, Google is the Grinch to the North Pole. Hmmmm See, I told you cell phones are a menace. How can we let technology destroy the most pervasive fictional character of all time? (I exclude the belief in God as number one in case you are an atheist as well as a Santa unbeliever). Santa is number one in the imagination world. If Googling kills him we will have to invent a a substitute.
Actually, Google may not be the all time biggest threat to the belief in Santa Claus. Throughout history many truth tellers, the churches, older kids, educators, communists Grinches and that blabbermouth uncle we all had have also have tried to pretend Santa is not real! Forget that kind of talk. Child psychologists today say that a child's belief in Santa is a very positive mindset. It's a good thing we parents try to see that our kids hold on to the "Santa is real" sentiment as long as possible. We adults may be the last bastion for saving Santa from the Goggle Grinch.
In defense of itself, Goggle says something like, "What can we do? We want the kids to believe in Santa too. It's just that technology can have undesired consequences." We can fight this Google assault on Christmas. And there's more good news for parents, and children. This year Google says that when the little brats search for Santa's whereabouts, they'll encounter "something quite different." I assume that means camouflage for Santa from the revelation police. Maybe Goggle is starting to believe in Santa too.
Oh, by the way, experts say that kids today are about the same age as kids they were 100 years ago when they first learned about Santa's real or imaginative self- at about age 7. How do I know it? I Googled it. What else.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Taking The Merry Out Of Christmas
Tis the season to be politically correct. Well,
it seems that way. The
old days when communities loved and shared Christmas have been replaced
in many places with a politically correct approach to celebrating
Christmas. It seems that now, if you are not Christian any sign of
Christmas is "offensive to you because it isn't "inclusive". So the
approach now is to change Christmas celebration to a holiday
celebration. It's not stressful because of the furor of activity and
obligations, no Christmas is is now full of holiday related
controversies and things to fret about because even saying "Merry
Christmas" to someone today might offend them.
Here's a few examples of the un merrier approach to Christmas in the new world order of political correctness.
- In Montgomery County, Md., in response to a request from Muslim community leaders, the education board voted this fall to change "Christmas break" to "winter break". After all, if you don't believe in Christmas your feelings are hurt and they must change the whole holiday to soothe your wounds.
- Some workplaces and social circles are calling their gift exchanges "secret snowman" rather than "secret Santa," as if the gift bearing fat man bore too close an association with Christianity to make his presence palatable. I'm not sure why Santa is even considered a Christian affront, but Christmas haters have made him a religious rather than secular figure.
- The U. S. Congress is another "workplace" where holiday politics are getting weird. The congresswoman in charge of House mailing standards, Rep. Candace Miller, R-Mich., has reminded members that it's now OK to use greetings such as "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Hanukkah" in mailings to their constituents, thanks to a rules change enacted last year. So now Congress has to give permission to even utter the word "Christmas". But there is a catch. This applies only if the greetings are "incidental with no Christmas references as to "colors, illustrations and greetings" on the calendars some members like to send out.
- In towns all over America there are legal fights over manger displays or references to Christmas at a county courthouse or some public facility somewhere. It seems that even the phrase 'Have a Merry Christmas" on the side of a public building is offensive to those who don't like Christmas. It's a case of changing the meaning of majority by putting the preference of one non believer ahead of the sentiments of the rest of the community.
- Rhode Island's governor has drawn protests for insisting on calling the State Christmas tree a “holiday tree”.
- In some stores employees are told to never use "Merry Christmas" when speaking to a customer. Instead, it has to be "Happy Holidays" or the unemployment line will be the store gift to the employee. Ho Ho Ho.... I mean, Ha Ha Ha.
- “Ho Ho Ho”, the traditional laugh of jolly old St. Nick is now considered obscene in some politically correct circles. Some business, schools and other institutions are cautioning about that merry laugh. They say that smiling and uttering a “ho ho ho” could frighten children and be derogatory to women.
- Some schools have a "holiday tree" instead of a Christmas tree and holiday instead of Christmas play performances.
- City councils across the country are banning Christmas to avoid offending Jews, Muslims, pagans, atheists and other non Christians because..well it hurts their feelings, I guess.
- A number of commercial establishments in the empire have removed the word Christmas from their greetings in an effort to comply with political correctness.
Had enough! Well, those are just a few examples of how the crazy politically correct crowd is hijacking Christmas. If you want a few more try one of the sites that monitors it site http://www.akdart.com/christmas.html
Modern society seems to produce an endless collection of inanities, absurdities and just plain idiocies. Changing Christmas into a politically correct one is a sure sigh of that. All I can do about it is to just smile and utter "Merry Christmas" to everyone I meet.
Here's a few examples of the un merrier approach to Christmas in the new world order of political correctness.
- In Montgomery County, Md., in response to a request from Muslim community leaders, the education board voted this fall to change "Christmas break" to "winter break". After all, if you don't believe in Christmas your feelings are hurt and they must change the whole holiday to soothe your wounds.
- Some workplaces and social circles are calling their gift exchanges "secret snowman" rather than "secret Santa," as if the gift bearing fat man bore too close an association with Christianity to make his presence palatable. I'm not sure why Santa is even considered a Christian affront, but Christmas haters have made him a religious rather than secular figure.
- The U. S. Congress is another "workplace" where holiday politics are getting weird. The congresswoman in charge of House mailing standards, Rep. Candace Miller, R-Mich., has reminded members that it's now OK to use greetings such as "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Hanukkah" in mailings to their constituents, thanks to a rules change enacted last year. So now Congress has to give permission to even utter the word "Christmas". But there is a catch. This applies only if the greetings are "incidental with no Christmas references as to "colors, illustrations and greetings" on the calendars some members like to send out.
- In towns all over America there are legal fights over manger displays or references to Christmas at a county courthouse or some public facility somewhere. It seems that even the phrase 'Have a Merry Christmas" on the side of a public building is offensive to those who don't like Christmas. It's a case of changing the meaning of majority by putting the preference of one non believer ahead of the sentiments of the rest of the community.
- Rhode Island's governor has drawn protests for insisting on calling the State Christmas tree a “holiday tree”.
- In some stores employees are told to never use "Merry Christmas" when speaking to a customer. Instead, it has to be "Happy Holidays" or the unemployment line will be the store gift to the employee. Ho Ho Ho.... I mean, Ha Ha Ha.
- “Ho Ho Ho”, the traditional laugh of jolly old St. Nick is now considered obscene in some politically correct circles. Some business, schools and other institutions are cautioning about that merry laugh. They say that smiling and uttering a “ho ho ho” could frighten children and be derogatory to women.
- Some schools have a "holiday tree" instead of a Christmas tree and holiday instead of Christmas play performances.
- City councils across the country are banning Christmas to avoid offending Jews, Muslims, pagans, atheists and other non Christians because..well it hurts their feelings, I guess.
- A number of commercial establishments in the empire have removed the word Christmas from their greetings in an effort to comply with political correctness.
Had enough! Well, those are just a few examples of how the crazy politically correct crowd is hijacking Christmas. If you want a few more try one of the sites that monitors it site http://www.akdart.com/christmas.html
Modern society seems to produce an endless collection of inanities, absurdities and just plain idiocies. Changing Christmas into a politically correct one is a sure sigh of that. All I can do about it is to just smile and utter "Merry Christmas" to everyone I meet.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Christmas Novelty Songs
Listening to Christmas music on radio recently reminded me that novelty
music is big on holidays. There are many novelty Christmas tunes, not a
bad thing, I think. The novelty songs tend to be humorous, something to
balance all those traditions serious, spiritual songs. On the whole,
novelty Christmas music ranges from naughty to nice, from annoying to
charming, from the clever to the bizarre. How can you not like that?
Need some examples? Well, here they come. Give Santa some extra bourbon in his egg nog if he listens to those songs. They, uh, don't exactly define the true meaning of Christmas. Anyway, here are, in no particular order, some of my favorite and some of the ones in which I will I plug my ears if played. Next to each is a Yu Tube link for you to get a sample of the many novelty Christmas tunes people either love or hate.
- 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas' is my choice for the worst Christmas song ever to become a hit. Possibly the strangest and Christmas single title ever. Gayla Peevey was an American child star from Oklahoma, and this song, which was written in 1950, had very serious intentions. It had been brought to Miss Peevey's attention that the city zoo had no hippopotamus, and so someone at Columbia records had the bright idea of putting together a campaign aimed at "buying Gayla" a hippo for Christmas. The song was recorded to accompany the campaign and, after raising several thousand dollars, a baby hippo was given to the zoo. The song has become a Christmas radio staple and is so grating that suicides might be attributed to frequent listeners.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyijq_u1ypg
- 'I'm Getting Nuttin For Christmas' is sentiment we can all relate to. It's one of those cute songs that are supposed to charm the listener. The little bad boy who sings the tune was Barry Gordon who was 7 years old at the time. He croons about all the bad things he did all year and tells us because of it, "I'm Gettin Nuttin For Christmas". Maybe we ought to send this tune to Justin Beiber or those terrorist Isis leaders. Someone ought to warn them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK06SgtXin0
- The Chipmunk Song, 'Christmas Don't be Late' can be blamed on a<> fellow named Ross Bagdasarian who was fooling around with tapes when he accidentally played one at the wrong speed. The result was that the speeded up vocals sounded just like "chipmunks" and it is one of the biggest selling Christmas novelty songs ever recorded.. The Chipmunks paved the way for some of pop's most famous sonic experiments, from the Beatles' use of backwards tapes to the Bee Gees' very high voices. This song annoys so many people that another Christmas novelty song called "Chipmunks Roasting Over An Open Fire' was recorded in spite of the rodent singers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whY9MKlvisI
- 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer', by Elmo and Prats is not a tune for the spiritual type. In 1979, a San Francisco veterinarian called Elmo Shropshire was moonlighting in bluegrass band when he came across a song written by his friend Randy Brooks. 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' tells a cautionary tale of festive excess that any drink driving campaign would be proud of. It details how Grandma falls over in the snow after too much eggnog and is found with "hoof prints on her forehead." It became a phenomenon and another reason to hate eggnog.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzV9DIL_vrM
- 'Santa Baby', by Eartha Kitt is a greed parody (is not Christmas also the greedy season). It not only defines a a materialistic holiday at but also paints women as seeing Christmas as a search for a Sugar Daddy Santa, as the true meaning of the holiday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFMyF9fDKzE
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-The Singing Dogs version of 'Jingle Bells' ... From the decade that spawned more novelty Christmas records than any other, the 50's, this one can make anyone hate the holidays. a genuine classic. The famous tune of the title was recorded using an entire choir of real life "singing" (barking dogs). These were the days before samplers and fancy modern technology, so the studio process involved recording hundreds of hours of mutts, feeding them (the barks, not the dogs) through a variable frequency oscillator, then editing them together to fit a backing track. This one is "Ruff ruff ruff, ruff ruff ruff, grrruff ruff ruff ruff ruff!" to listen to.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xam01uaj6Vg
- 'Run Rudolph Run' by Chuck Berry was an early record to what was otherwise a great career. Rumors are that even Rudolph runs and hides when this song is played.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVu4c7dhDRE
-'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' is around in many forms but is defined by the Jimmy Boyd original. In the song, the boy sees Santa kissing mom. Oh, maybe it was Bill Cosby, not Santa who was doing the kissing. This one is so sweet and innocent diabetics are forbidden from listening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7t8YTbQSQc
- 'Snoopy's Christmas' by the Royal Guardsman can be excused as a reflection of the 'Peanuts' comic strip frenzy in which it was written. The Guardsman did little else after that song, but made a comeback in December 2006, when they released a new Snoopy song, "Snoopy vs. Osama", which became a hit......proving the old axiom that one should never overestimate the taste of the consumer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbhzqoYYROA
-Bizarre is the best way to label 'Santa Claus Has Got Aids This Year', by Tiny Tim. This one was recorded before the AIDS epidemic was out leashed, so forgive the writer and performer. And, the performer (the equally bizarre Tiny Tim) wasn't referring to the disease, but rather to a diet bar called "Ayds". It was a classic case of the worst timing, and the coincidence makes for a hilarious Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XU8IQqcq270
- 'Santa Claus and His Old Lady' by Cheech and Chong is a hilarious chatter song by two stoned out druggies with lyrics like this- "Once upon a time, about, hmmm, five years ago, there was this groovy dude and has name was Santa Claus, y'know? And he used to live over in the projects with his old lady and they had a pretty good thing together because his old lady was really fine and she could cook and all that stuff like that, y'know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man! Oh, I could remember 'em now, man. I could eat one of 'em, man."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSH9ryRzHQ4
Need some examples? Well, here they come. Give Santa some extra bourbon in his egg nog if he listens to those songs. They, uh, don't exactly define the true meaning of Christmas. Anyway, here are, in no particular order, some of my favorite and some of the ones in which I will I plug my ears if played. Next to each is a Yu Tube link for you to get a sample of the many novelty Christmas tunes people either love or hate.
- 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas' is my choice for the worst Christmas song ever to become a hit. Possibly the strangest and Christmas single title ever. Gayla Peevey was an American child star from Oklahoma, and this song, which was written in 1950, had very serious intentions. It had been brought to Miss Peevey's attention that the city zoo had no hippopotamus, and so someone at Columbia records had the bright idea of putting together a campaign aimed at "buying Gayla" a hippo for Christmas. The song was recorded to accompany the campaign and, after raising several thousand dollars, a baby hippo was given to the zoo. The song has become a Christmas radio staple and is so grating that suicides might be attributed to frequent listeners.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyijq_u1ypg
- 'I'm Getting Nuttin For Christmas' is sentiment we can all relate to. It's one of those cute songs that are supposed to charm the listener. The little bad boy who sings the tune was Barry Gordon who was 7 years old at the time. He croons about all the bad things he did all year and tells us because of it, "I'm Gettin Nuttin For Christmas". Maybe we ought to send this tune to Justin Beiber or those terrorist Isis leaders. Someone ought to warn them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK06SgtXin0
- The Chipmunk Song, 'Christmas Don't be Late' can be blamed on a<> fellow named Ross Bagdasarian who was fooling around with tapes when he accidentally played one at the wrong speed. The result was that the speeded up vocals sounded just like "chipmunks" and it is one of the biggest selling Christmas novelty songs ever recorded.. The Chipmunks paved the way for some of pop's most famous sonic experiments, from the Beatles' use of backwards tapes to the Bee Gees' very high voices. This song annoys so many people that another Christmas novelty song called "Chipmunks Roasting Over An Open Fire' was recorded in spite of the rodent singers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whY9MKlvisI
- 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer', by Elmo and Prats is not a tune for the spiritual type. In 1979, a San Francisco veterinarian called Elmo Shropshire was moonlighting in bluegrass band when he came across a song written by his friend Randy Brooks. 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' tells a cautionary tale of festive excess that any drink driving campaign would be proud of. It details how Grandma falls over in the snow after too much eggnog and is found with "hoof prints on her forehead." It became a phenomenon and another reason to hate eggnog.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzV9DIL_vrM
- 'Santa Baby', by Eartha Kitt is a greed parody (is not Christmas also the greedy season). It not only defines a a materialistic holiday at but also paints women as seeing Christmas as a search for a Sugar Daddy Santa, as the true meaning of the holiday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFMyF9fDKzE
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-The Singing Dogs version of 'Jingle Bells' ... From the decade that spawned more novelty Christmas records than any other, the 50's, this one can make anyone hate the holidays. a genuine classic. The famous tune of the title was recorded using an entire choir of real life "singing" (barking dogs). These were the days before samplers and fancy modern technology, so the studio process involved recording hundreds of hours of mutts, feeding them (the barks, not the dogs) through a variable frequency oscillator, then editing them together to fit a backing track. This one is "Ruff ruff ruff, ruff ruff ruff, grrruff ruff ruff ruff ruff!" to listen to.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xam01uaj6Vg
- 'Run Rudolph Run' by Chuck Berry was an early record to what was otherwise a great career. Rumors are that even Rudolph runs and hides when this song is played.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVu4c7dhDRE
-'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' is around in many forms but is defined by the Jimmy Boyd original. In the song, the boy sees Santa kissing mom. Oh, maybe it was Bill Cosby, not Santa who was doing the kissing. This one is so sweet and innocent diabetics are forbidden from listening.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7t8YTbQSQc
- 'Snoopy's Christmas' by the Royal Guardsman can be excused as a reflection of the 'Peanuts' comic strip frenzy in which it was written. The Guardsman did little else after that song, but made a comeback in December 2006, when they released a new Snoopy song, "Snoopy vs. Osama", which became a hit......proving the old axiom that one should never overestimate the taste of the consumer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbhzqoYYROA
-Bizarre is the best way to label 'Santa Claus Has Got Aids This Year', by Tiny Tim. This one was recorded before the AIDS epidemic was out leashed, so forgive the writer and performer. And, the performer (the equally bizarre Tiny Tim) wasn't referring to the disease, but rather to a diet bar called "Ayds". It was a classic case of the worst timing, and the coincidence makes for a hilarious Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XU8IQqcq270
- 'Santa Claus and His Old Lady' by Cheech and Chong is a hilarious chatter song by two stoned out druggies with lyrics like this- "Once upon a time, about, hmmm, five years ago, there was this groovy dude and has name was Santa Claus, y'know? And he used to live over in the projects with his old lady and they had a pretty good thing together because his old lady was really fine and she could cook and all that stuff like that, y'know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man! Oh, I could remember 'em now, man. I could eat one of 'em, man."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSH9ryRzHQ4
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Dying Christmas Traditions
The rise of communication technology is effecting quite a bit
of our
long held traditions. I thought about that as I pulled out my Christmas
card list today and noticed it is a list that is shrinking rapidly.
Just about five years or so ago I sent Christmas cards to somewhere
between 30 and 40 people. But now it approaches 10 in number, as more
and more people have altogether stopped sending out Christmas cards.
The custom of sending Christmas cards was started in the Britain in 1843, at a time when letter writing was the principal method of communication between people who were separated by distance. But who writes snail letters today? Not many. Our rapid communication mediums have made the hand-written letter a dinosaur, so it follows that sending out Christmas cards would soon also become an extinct practice.
My way of determining whether I'll send out a Christmas card is to base it on whether or not I received one back last year from those on last year's list. If I don't receive one I trim that person my list faster that you trim your X mas tree (that's one tradition still holding strong). I am ambivalent about the list shrinkage because, though I find receiving a Christmas card fun and meaningful, it is an arduous task to send them out. My generation is old enough to remember as children how our parents sat at the kitchen table hour after hour sending them out. So we are imbued with the Christmas card gene. But most of us have been so spoiled by instantaneous communication devices that we now see little sense in mailing out hand written cards.
My own daughter and her generation don't give a thought to Christmas card exchange. They exchange greetings all year with...uh...texts and whatever else they do with the cell phones and other devices they are hooked up to 24 hours a day. Convenience, speed and trendy eventually assault all tradition for "the next generation". Which brings to mind some other Christmas traditions I see are dying this very day.
Remember the days when people popped popcorn and strung it to be hung on Christmas trees as a decoration? Not there anymore! What about those Christmas carolers who used to come to our homes and serenade us with a Christmas carol tune or too. Not there anymore! Oh, and when is the last time you heard about families sitting around a music box and listening to Christmas music? Not there anymore!
While I wrote my Christmas card greetings for my diminishing Christmas card list members I thought about which Christmas tradition would be the next one to vanish. Maybe it might be hanging mistletoe. In this age we are far too concerned with germs to kiss strangers. And there is always a climate Nazi ready to say we are "killing the planet" when we uproot mistletoe. Soon, it might not be there anymore! Or maybe we won't chop down or purchase a real Christmas tree. According to research, largely because of environmental concerns, the number of families with artificial trees is already far greater than we who have real ones. The Christmas tree soon might not be there anymore!
All traditions eventually die. Society tires of them or just replaces them with something new that is seen as better. It's not entirely good or bad to lose tradition, for to not lose them might mean progress in other areas is held back. But for those people who value no Christmas tradition at all, I send my Christmas wish....that they all receive a traditional Christmas fruitcake this year. That should be punishment enough.
The custom of sending Christmas cards was started in the Britain in 1843, at a time when letter writing was the principal method of communication between people who were separated by distance. But who writes snail letters today? Not many. Our rapid communication mediums have made the hand-written letter a dinosaur, so it follows that sending out Christmas cards would soon also become an extinct practice.
My way of determining whether I'll send out a Christmas card is to base it on whether or not I received one back last year from those on last year's list. If I don't receive one I trim that person my list faster that you trim your X mas tree (that's one tradition still holding strong). I am ambivalent about the list shrinkage because, though I find receiving a Christmas card fun and meaningful, it is an arduous task to send them out. My generation is old enough to remember as children how our parents sat at the kitchen table hour after hour sending them out. So we are imbued with the Christmas card gene. But most of us have been so spoiled by instantaneous communication devices that we now see little sense in mailing out hand written cards.
My own daughter and her generation don't give a thought to Christmas card exchange. They exchange greetings all year with...uh...texts and whatever else they do with the cell phones and other devices they are hooked up to 24 hours a day. Convenience, speed and trendy eventually assault all tradition for "the next generation". Which brings to mind some other Christmas traditions I see are dying this very day.
Remember the days when people popped popcorn and strung it to be hung on Christmas trees as a decoration? Not there anymore! What about those Christmas carolers who used to come to our homes and serenade us with a Christmas carol tune or too. Not there anymore! Oh, and when is the last time you heard about families sitting around a music box and listening to Christmas music? Not there anymore!
While I wrote my Christmas card greetings for my diminishing Christmas card list members I thought about which Christmas tradition would be the next one to vanish. Maybe it might be hanging mistletoe. In this age we are far too concerned with germs to kiss strangers. And there is always a climate Nazi ready to say we are "killing the planet" when we uproot mistletoe. Soon, it might not be there anymore! Or maybe we won't chop down or purchase a real Christmas tree. According to research, largely because of environmental concerns, the number of families with artificial trees is already far greater than we who have real ones. The Christmas tree soon might not be there anymore!
All traditions eventually die. Society tires of them or just replaces them with something new that is seen as better. It's not entirely good or bad to lose tradition, for to not lose them might mean progress in other areas is held back. But for those people who value no Christmas tradition at all, I send my Christmas wish....that they all receive a traditional Christmas fruitcake this year. That should be punishment enough.
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